Monday, February 14, 2011

From the Flirt Files, He Touched my Hair

As I searched my memory for a good flirting story from the Flirt Files I pretty much came up with a blank. I was as shy as the girls in my novel Flirt Club as a tween. Not only was I a poor flirter, I was sort of flirt-repellent, i. e. if boys flirted with me I totally froze up. There is a scene from my book where the boy of Izzy's dream asks her to slow dance, then hefts her up, tucks her into a coat closet with him and shuts the door. As he leans in for a kiss she panics and bolts out of the closet. This happened to me. With the boy of my 8th grade dreams. Anyhoo. I want to tell a story about youthful flirtation in honor of Valentines Day and my book so here is true story about a boy flirting with me, since as far I can remember I didn't flirt with anyone as a tween. Ever.

From The Flirt Files (and The Drama Geek Files) ~ He Touch my Hair

When I was 14 I had the grand opportunity to spend a summer studying at A.C.T. (American Conservatory Theater) in San Francisco. It was a big deal. You had to audition to participate. I took a train and a bus and a hike to get there everyday. The movie Fame had just come out in theaters and (in my mind) I was living it. Singing show tunes in Union Square with my theater geek friends while running through seas of pigeons so they'd explode around our dewy young heads in a roar. Their thundering wings mingling with our shameless chortling! Oh the drama! Oh the chortling!

Anyhoo. All the girls, and by all I mean ALL the girls at A.C.T. had a crush on this one boy/student named Nick. Except me. He wasn't my type. His shirts were a little bit too tight. His hair was a weee bit too coiffed. I liked the mute punk boy in baggy clothes who folded himself into corners. Who quietly glowered at our ebullient theater geek antics. I Loved him. I can't remember his name.

I should also state for the record that I can be a rebellious and contrary person, sometimes for no good reason. If everyone likes Nick? Well, then I won't! Nick, being the rooster of the yard could sense my disinterest. And of course this compelled him. I thought he was talented, charismatic, and good-looking but he didn't ring my bell. He became very interested in my bell. I don't think he had a crush on me I think he wanted me to tinkle and cluck along with the rest.

One day in his effort to win over the one wayward hen (me), he noticed I was standing across the room reading a script alone. He locked his gaze upon mine. He walked towards me. Slowly. Purposefully. When he got about an inch away he slowed down, and without speaking he lifted a hank of my long brown hair off my collar-bone. Flipped it over my shoulder in a very pointed, flippy manner. And still without speaking, he glided away. And I? I cast upon him a withering glance.

Within a year Nick (whose full name was Nicholas Coppola) had a movie out in theaters called Valley Girl and had changed his name to Nicholas Cage. Yep. Nicholas Cage touched my hair.

And I cast upon him a withering glance.

Do I regret it? Mostly, no. Because 1) it makes a better story this way. 2) I didn't really appreciate him until things like Raising Arizona and Wild at Heart came out. 3) I've grown to really like him as an actor but he never made my heart go pitter-patter. But for those of you who do swoon for him - you may now commence throwing things at me. As long as they're soft- balled up paper, snack-cakes, and particularly chocolate covered marshmallow valentines hearts would all be acceptable.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Top Secret Research Documents Divulged: Most Snack-cakes Float

I have always had a fascination with spy-girl iconography, particularly Agent 99 in Get Smart and Emma Peel of The Avengers... Charlie's Angels, meh, not so much. I would be a terrible spy in real life though because I'm a terrible liar. I remember once playing the game of Clue with my sister as a kid and here's what she said to me, she said, "You are a terrible liar." Flirt Club was originally named "How to be a Secret Agent Girl" but the publisher nixed that name because it wasn't particularly pertinent to the plot. But this isn't a blog about that, it's a blog about snack-cakes. About some top-secret spy-girl research I did that I shall now divulge to the public. Because the public deserves to know. Because it's just that important.

In my book Flirt Club one of the girls gets asked out on a kind of a date. The young man suggests they go to the Mall, scoop all of the change out of the fountain, buy some Swedish Fish candy, go back to the fountain and throw the fish in to see if they swim. Honestly, I wish someone would ask me out on a date like that. Instead I get asked out for one kind of beverage or another. I have nothing against beverages. I'm just saying... being a grown-up is weird. Anyway, I diverge from what I mean to divulge. Months ago, as research for Flirt Club, I had to see what kinds of candy float. Basically, none. Except for Malt Balls. And even though it's not pertinent to my writing career at this point to throw any more food into a fountain, I thought I'd continue and expand the research.
Just Because.

Please observe Exhibit A:

This Twinkie appears to be magically hovering in space but it's actually FLOATING.

Important note: Twinkies float BUT IMMEDIATLY FLIP UPSIDE DOWN.

Exhibit B: This very buoyant floating powdered mini-donut is leaving a faint trail of sugary powder on the water. The other white swirls on the surface are soapy residue. I was not and have never been involved in depositing detergent in a fountain.

Exhibit C: Ho-Hos have SUPERIOR FLOATING STAMINA due to the chocolate coating. Its waxy consistency makes them virtually water proof.

Exhibit D: This is a Hello Kitty Lolly. I think it's basically a decorated marshmallow. Can't say for sure `cause I didn't want to lick it.

Exhibit E: These are the aforementioned Swedish Fish that don't float at all. They are resting peacefully on the bottom. Getting sticky.

Exhibit F: This is my lovely friend Jhene and fellow researcher who helped me compile this essential and timely report.

Exhibit G: This is me in front of our research facilities aka the slightly soapy fountain.

In conclusion: SO FAR SNACK CAKES KICK CANDY'S BUTT IN THE REALM OF FLOATING. Of course, our research was somewhat limited in that we didn't find any Hostess Snowballs (a pink one would have preferable) to throw in the fountain. Those snowballs are pretty dense. If you happen to have the opportunity to find out if they float please let me know in a comment. Also, if you know of any floating candy please feel free to post that research as well. And that concludes our momentous update in the ever expanding field of Throwing-Things-into-Fountains.

*no snack items were harmed in the making of this blog post*