Friday, January 21, 2011

Top Secret Research Documents Divulged: Most Snack-cakes Float

I have always had a fascination with spy-girl iconography, particularly Agent 99 in Get Smart and Emma Peel of The Avengers... Charlie's Angels, meh, not so much. I would be a terrible spy in real life though because I'm a terrible liar. I remember once playing the game of Clue with my sister as a kid and here's what she said to me, she said, "You are a terrible liar." Flirt Club was originally named "How to be a Secret Agent Girl" but the publisher nixed that name because it wasn't particularly pertinent to the plot. But this isn't a blog about that, it's a blog about snack-cakes. About some top-secret spy-girl research I did that I shall now divulge to the public. Because the public deserves to know. Because it's just that important.

In my book Flirt Club one of the girls gets asked out on a kind of a date. The young man suggests they go to the Mall, scoop all of the change out of the fountain, buy some Swedish Fish candy, go back to the fountain and throw the fish in to see if they swim. Honestly, I wish someone would ask me out on a date like that. Instead I get asked out for one kind of beverage or another. I have nothing against beverages. I'm just saying... being a grown-up is weird. Anyway, I diverge from what I mean to divulge. Months ago, as research for Flirt Club, I had to see what kinds of candy float. Basically, none. Except for Malt Balls. And even though it's not pertinent to my writing career at this point to throw any more food into a fountain, I thought I'd continue and expand the research.
Just Because.

Please observe Exhibit A:

This Twinkie appears to be magically hovering in space but it's actually FLOATING.

Important note: Twinkies float BUT IMMEDIATLY FLIP UPSIDE DOWN.

Exhibit B: This very buoyant floating powdered mini-donut is leaving a faint trail of sugary powder on the water. The other white swirls on the surface are soapy residue. I was not and have never been involved in depositing detergent in a fountain.

Exhibit C: Ho-Hos have SUPERIOR FLOATING STAMINA due to the chocolate coating. Its waxy consistency makes them virtually water proof.

Exhibit D: This is a Hello Kitty Lolly. I think it's basically a decorated marshmallow. Can't say for sure `cause I didn't want to lick it.

Exhibit E: These are the aforementioned Swedish Fish that don't float at all. They are resting peacefully on the bottom. Getting sticky.

Exhibit F: This is my lovely friend Jhene and fellow researcher who helped me compile this essential and timely report.

Exhibit G: This is me in front of our research facilities aka the slightly soapy fountain.

In conclusion: SO FAR SNACK CAKES KICK CANDY'S BUTT IN THE REALM OF FLOATING. Of course, our research was somewhat limited in that we didn't find any Hostess Snowballs (a pink one would have preferable) to throw in the fountain. Those snowballs are pretty dense. If you happen to have the opportunity to find out if they float please let me know in a comment. Also, if you know of any floating candy please feel free to post that research as well. And that concludes our momentous update in the ever expanding field of Throwing-Things-into-Fountains.

*no snack items were harmed in the making of this blog post*


  1. I also thought that was the best date idea. And the title you have now definitely fits the book much better but, uhmm, Agent 99. For. The. Win.

    I want to be her.

  2. I think you have a great sense of fun and humour. Continue what you're doing and you will blow us all away with your neat way of thinking and writing.

  3. thanks traveller, much appreciated!